Build a Wall
by zdf24
Summary: Callie's a therapist, Arizona is her patient, fresh back from a deployment in Iraq. Rated T for language and whatever else comes up along the way.
1. Chapter 1

**So um. read and review and do what you do.**

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"And my cat has completely ignored me for days now, and it just... My self-worth is nonexistent and..."

Callie Torres pinched the bridge of her nose, closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Her 3 o'clock appointment, Drew Muntz, was hardly the highlight of her week. Even as a therapist, she fought hard with concentration the moment words began flowing from his mouth, and ultimately (roughly fifteen minutes into the sessions), she found herself staring blankly at him, smiling and nodding as his increasingly dull stories became background noise to her daydreams. She looked down at her notepad and had to suppress a chuckle at the notes she'd been pretending to take for the past hour; a mindless doodle of a stick figure beating its head against a wall. Fitting.

As Drew sucked in a breath to carry on with the depression of his cat's neglection, she jumped at the opportunity to interrupt.

"I definitely feel as though you've made excellent progress since our last session, Drew, despite the minor setbacks along the way," she managed to contain a highly unprofessional snort, "So I'm thinking we can knock the down to a once-a-month basis, barring emergencies."

He looked horrified at this suggestion and leaned forward quickly, "But Doctor Torres, I don't know if-"

"Trust me, Drew. You're ready," Callie cut in, smiling sweetly with her jaw clenched.

"Well.."

"You can see my secretary to set up our next appointment," Callie said, standing and walking to open the door for him, wishing him a good afternoon as he walked by her, still looking unsure.

She shut the door quickly and breathed a sigh of relief, feeling only slightly guilty for it.

She walked back behind her desk to look over a new patient scheduled to come in shortly. Arizona Robbins, a 28 year old female just coming back from a long, long stay in Iraq. She didn't know much else than that other than that, truthfully. The call to setup the appointment had come from her brother, Timothy, who was too broken up about the situation to say much more than "She's just not Arizona anymore." She'd done her homework, contacting Arizona's fellow Marines and Sergeants. Which is how she found out Arizona had been taken prisoner of war for 8 weeks. What happened during that time, no one knew. Arizona had bottled up and bottomed out, in more ways than one.

To say Callie was intrigued would be an understatement. Being pretty renowned in her field, she had seen her fair share of PTSD victims. They were all the same yet all incredibly different. She felt odd saying it, but it fascinated her the way a human could stay so locked back in a traumatic event that their current reality became unrecognizable. Her heart ached for Arizona, even without meeting her or knowing any of the details. This case she was nervous excited for. Cases like this played a large part in her decision to become a therapist.

She sat the case file aside, having read it so much she could recite it word for word. Honestly, she was at a loss on how to prepare and begin what would most likely be an extensive case, one she'd be on for at least a year, if not more.

A knock at her door and her secretary (and good friend) Cristina Yang poked her head in.

"The Robbins chick is here. Well, she's physically here. Mentally? Let's just say i don't think she's aware there are more things to look at than the floor."

Callie chuckled and rolled her eyes, telling Cristina to send her in. She saluted playfully and turned back to the waiting room.

"Doc's ready for ya, Robbins."

Cristina disappeared and a few seconds later a petite blonde woman shuffled in, staring intently at the floor and sitting on nervously on the couch in front of Callie's desk. Her knee immediately began drilling a hole in the floor.

"Arizona," Callie said quietly, "I'm Dr. Torres. Or Callie. Whichever you prefer. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The blonde nodded in acknowledgment, still looking at the floor.

"You know, I may not be a supermodel, but I'd like to think I'm better to look at than my dusty floor," Callie chanced a joke, and Arizona smiled feebly, looking up at Callie for a split second before her eyes darted back down, but just long enough for Callie to decide Arizona had the most gorgeous blue eyes she'd ever seen.

"I'm sorry," Arizona finally spoke, leaving Callie anticipating more to the sentence, but stepped back in when there wasn't.

"What are you apologizing for?"

Arizona shrugged and let out a nervous laugh.

"I'm not very good at eye contact."

"That's okay," Callie replied, leaning forward slightly and taking in the full effect of Arizona's self-protecting body language.

It was silent for a few moments before Callie spoke again.

"Why are you here?"

Arizona made to form a few responses but eventually shook her head.

"I don't really know."

Callie nodded, before getting out of her chair and rounding the table to sit opposite of Arizona on the couch. Arizona unconsciously shifted further away, leaning to the right and pressing herself into the arm.

Expecting such a reaction, Callie scooted closer, and as the blonde attempted to move again, Callie gently, but firmly, grasped her wrist and Arizona flinched violently.

Callie felt a tug in her heart but kept her hand on Arizona.

"You're going to have to trust me if I'm going to help you," Callie said, her fingers feeling just how fast Arizona's pulse was pounding by the sudden physical contact.

"I'm sorry," was again the reply and Callie chuckled quietly.

"From now on, those two words are banned from this room."

Arizona gave no indication that she'd even heard Callie, and Callie let go of her wrist, feeling somewhat successful when she didn't attempt to move further away again.

"Look at me," Callie requested, barely more than a whisper.

Arizona darted her eyes to Callie's again before looking away, but Callie was silent until Arizona looked back, her eyes wary and defensive, but Callie smiled warmly anyway.

"You don't have to talk today. You don't even have to think today. The only thing I want you to do today is realize you can trust me. Nothing bad will ever happen to you in this room, ok? It's going to be just you and me for awhile, and it's important that you understand that I'm only here to help. That's all. I'm here for _you_."

Arizona mustered up a small smile while nodding slowly, and Callie saw the slightest indication of dimples before Arizona was looking away again.

Callie nodded and smiled to herself, noticing Arizona's nervous leg had at least slowed down.

She had a feeling she and the blonde were going to be spending a lot of time together in this room.


	2. Chapter 2

**The pacing of this particular story really concerns me, it might seem like it's moving slow as far as most go (I actually worry that I'll be moving too fast), but I'm hoping you guys will have the patience to stick with it. Thanks to all reviews thus far! **

**Any input and recommendations are wholeheartedly encouraged. And if anyone would like to volunteer to beta, if for no other reason than to keep my ass motivated to write, please message me. I have a feeling I'll need it!  
**

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"Why did you join the military?"

One week and a handful of almost completely silent sessions later, Callie decides it's time to start digging. She knows that the pace is going to be slow, that Arizona would probably sit silently across from her for days on end if allowed, but it isn't healthy. And as much as she doesn't want to bring up painful memories for her patient, she has to.

Arizona takes a deep breath as if to answer, but thinks the better of it and shrugs.

"I don't know."

One of her more popular responses. Despite Callie's efforts, she rarely got the blonde to come up with something more elaborate than _I don't know_, _It doesn't matter_, or, more often than not, a shrug and a dismissive shake of her head. With anyone else, Callie would have probably lost her patience by now. Despite how much education she had, it was easy to become aggravated with a patient who wouldn't just _spill_. With Arizona, however, Callie had patience equivalent to that of a saint. She wanted to know what went on in the blonde's head, what terrors she kept and what memories haunted her. She wanted to help. Not for a paycheck, but solely because she wanted to see the young woman sitting across from her genuinely _smile_.

"Was it because of your father?" Callie asked quietly, knowing she was about to broach a touchy subject, but hoping to coax Arizona into confiding in her.

Arizona darted her eyes up to Callie's briefly before looking down to her lap and wringing her fingers, a sign Callie had picked up on; she had something to say, she just wouldn't say it. As Arizona remained silent, Callie began speaking again, opting for a different tactic.

"My father died in a car accident when I was twelve," Callie began, this being something she had talked about to few others, but desperately wanted to develop a layer of trust between them, "I had nothing to do with it, I wasn't even in the same state as him, but I still found ways to blame myself. Thinking if I'd have done this or that differently, he wouldn't have been where he was. Somehow, I was at fault and I couldn't forgive myself. For years, I had nightmares about it. They were so… So _vivid_ and real that I'd wake up so terrified that I couldn't even scream. I couldn't move. I was stuck in my mind, stuck there watching my father die. Trying to figure out—"

"It isn't the same," Arizona interrupted quietly staring at the floor, her voice so low Callie almost didn't hear her.

"What's not the same?"

"Your father dying in a car accident and my father throwing himself on a grenade for his platoon. It isn't the same."

Callie's heart rate increased rapidly; this was the most Arizona had said about anything, and as she tried to find a way to get Arizona to continue without ruining the moment, the problem was solved for her as Arizona carried on, the look on her face implying that she was far away from this room right now, living in her memories.

"My father was a Marine," a small look of pride briefly crossed her features but disappeared fast, "He was more than that. He was a leader. He was a protector. No one felt endangered when he was with them. He never let anyone down," she took a shuddering breath before fixing an unwavering stare on Callie, who was almost left breathless at the intensity of it, "And he died protecting his men. He died leaving me, my mom and my brother to fend for ourselves. To wake up every morning knowing he'd rather die to save those men than come home to his family. Leaving us unprotected and endangered _all the time._"

"He let you down," Callie let out, more of a statement than a question, and Arizona nodded, looking back the ground.

"Then why did _you_ become a Marine?"

"Because I didn't want to let _him_ down."

Callie debated a long moment before finally asking, "You don't think it was brave, what he did?"

"He left my mother to raise two children by herself."

"So you wouldn't throw yourself on a grenade for your platoon."

Arizona looked back up at Callie, unshed tears glittering in her eyes.

"Of course I would."

"What makes it different for you?"

"I.. I don't…," she stuttered over her words before taking a deep breath, "There's nothing for me to come back to anymore."

Callie's heart throbbed for a moment before she continued, "What about your mom and brother?"

Arizona smiles sadly, "They're not who they used to be. Or I'm not who I used to be. Thing have changed. I feel like…" she trailed off, lost in her thoughts again.

Arizona had never mentioned feeling anything to Callie, who was not about to let this opportunity slip away. This was more progress than she'd ever expected and if the blonde was about to actually start divulging her feelings, it was a step they _needed _to take.

"You feel like what, Arizona?" Callie asked softly.

"Like I never really came back from Iraq and they've quit waiting for me."

"What makes you think they've quit waiting?"

Arizona laughed humorlessly.

"The fact that Tim called you before he talked to me."

Callie nodded, she could understand that. She didn't agree with it, but she could understand.

"Look at me, Arizona."

It took a moment, but eventually blue eyes trained on her brown ones, looking lost and confused and Callie felt that enormous tug in her heart again. This woman was broken.

"Tim brought you here because he knew you needed help. And he knew he couldn't provide you with the kind of help you needed."

Arizona shook her head, looking back to the ground, "Tim never asked me anything when I got back. He didn't ask me what happened. He didn't ask me if I was okay. He told me it was good to have me back, that he was relieved to see me, but that's it. He never tried. Mom never tried. They let me wallow and they let me walk around in a world I don't recognize anymore. They left me to my own devices. They just didn't care."

As she was finding with most of her sessions with Arizona, the need to be closer to the blonde, the need to comfort her, always took over her at some point, and now that Arizona was talking, that need was stronger. Usually, Callie would sit next to her, offering a comforting hand upon the blonde's and words of encouragement, silently begging her to let her emotions out. But today, with Arizona finally talking, Callie was at a loss. She was afraid physical closeness would cause Arizona to bottle up again, to retract back into herself and they'd be starting back at the beginning. So today she stayed behind her desk, making an exhausting effort to stay seated and not move.

"Would you have told them what happened if they'd asked, Arizona?"

A brief look of terror overtook Arizona's face and she shook her head violently, letting out a choked "No."

Callie assumed as much.

"Would you tell me if I asked?"

Arizona hesitated a long moment before finally saying, "I don't know."

"Why do you think it's so hard to talk about?"

A new emotion flashed across her face, and it took Callie a moment to realize this one wasn't fear or apprehension. It was anger.

"Because that look you've been given since you met me, and that look mom and Tim give me every single day, it would increase tenfold. I don't want the pity. I don't want the sympathy. I don't deserve it. I don't need it. It doesn't matter what happened. It's over and it's done."

Callie then ignored her original hesitation about moving to the couch and chose this moment to do so, sitting right next to the blonde and waiting for Arizona to finally look at her, blue eyes flashing and jaw set.

"If it was over and done, if it didn't matter, you would talk about it, Arizona. You're still stuck there. Those eight months you spent as a prisoner of war, you're still living in them. I'm not going to ask you what happened out there. Not until I know you'll tell me everything instead of the highlight reel. I'm not going to ask you until you've mentally left."

She squeezed Arizona's hand tightly and offered a smile when Arizona didn't flinch.

And then smiled that much bigger when she felt the faintest pressure of Arizona squeezing back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews, dudes!  
**

**And big thanks to anon for pointing out a goof- Arizona was a POW for 8 WEEKS, not months as I accidentally put in chapter 2. thanks for catching that ;)**

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"Okay, so what's the low down on crazy pants?"

Callie shot an unamused look at Cristina's expectant face and took another bit of her salad.

"First of all, if you _ever_ use another term from Jersey Shore again, I'll cheerfully beat you to death. Second, you know I can't talk to you about patients."

Cristina rolled her eyes, spearing a tomato off Callie's plate, "Since when have we _ever_ followed that rule? Besides, nine times out of ten it's all the same story," she adapted a whiny, high pitched voice, "'Mommy didn't hug me enough, daddy drank too much, and uncle pete touched my no-zone.' Give me a _break_."

Callie didn't say anything, just slapped the other woman's hand away as she attempted to steal another tomato.

"Come _on,_ Callie. Spill it. What's G.I Jane's major malfunction? We both know you want to tell me…" she trailed off, batting her eyelashes playfully.

"No, I really, _really_ don't," Callie replied, taking a sip of water and pushing her plate away from her, appetite suddenly gone.

Cristina sat back in her chair, scrutinizing Callie with her eyes narrowed.

After a few moments of silence, she nodded to herself, confirming her mental assertions.

"Something's up with you."

Callie let out an exasperated sigh, "Nothing's 'up.' I'm respecting Arizona's privacy."

"You've _never_ respected a patient's privacy," Cristina retorted, scrunching her face.

To be fair, Callie thought to herself, Cristina _was_ right. They'd been gossiping over the majority of the patients they encountered for as long as either could remember. It wasn't exactly professional, per se, and probably illegal, but where was the fun in having a job centered around whack jobs if she couldn't gab about it to someone else?

"Well," Callie began, standing from the table and throwing a few bucks down for a tip, "This is a different sort of case."

Cristina smirked.

"You like this chick."

"I do not."

"You _totally_ do!" her eyes grew big and Callie knew she wasn't going to like what was about to come out of her friend's mouth, "Dear penthouse…"

Callie, frustrated, pushed a hand through her hair and began walking away from the table, followed closely by Cristina who wasn't going to let it go that easy.

"I looked up at my office door and in walked a blonde Marine, hardened from the war…"

Callie walked faster, pretending she couldn't hear the idiot behind her.

"Our eyes met and that was it; I swept my desk clear and plunged my soothing therapist hands into h—"

"I'm beginning to think you've written to penthouse before, Yang," Callie finally interrupted, blushing as other customers in the restaurant looked at the both of them, slightly bewildered.

The younger woman scoffed behind her as she followed Callie out the door, "Come on, just admit it. You're all awed and shit by her mystery and silence. That's supposed to be a thing isn't it? Strong and silent?"

"She's a patient."

"She's _hot_."

"She's a patient."

"You're a doctor. That's a thing too, right? Playing doctor?" she changed her voice to one she apparently thought to be sultry, "Oh heavens, Arizona, looks like it's time for your breast ex—"

Callie smacked her round the head and Cristina just smirked again.

"For the record, you've been deflecting my assumptions but you've yet to deny that you totally want to go for a ride on the Baghdad Express."

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After her lunch hour (which was mainly fifteen minutes of eating a pathetic salad and forty five minutes of Cristina's inappropriate remarks about Arizona), Callie was back behind her desk, finishing up a few afterthoughts of a patient that had just left. Just as she was wrapping it up and satisfied with the progress made with said patient, there was a knock on the door and Yang's head poked in again, a sly grin on her face.

"You've got another couple hours before your next appointment, and Colonel Dimples is asking if you can spare a few moments for her. Shall I send her in for her _extra_ special treatment?"

Callie glowered and nodded silently, giving Cristina the finger as she did so.

Chuckling, Cristina retreated and a few seconds later Arizona was walking through the door, just as gloomy as ever.

Callie smiled warmly as Arizona sat across from her, "To what do I owe this surprise?"

The blonde's leg began jumping again, beating out a fast tempo against the wooden floor and she looked as though she was struggling hard to find her words. Her arms were wound tight around her torso and her eyes darted all around.

"Is everything okay, Arizona?" Callie asked gently, curious and worried at the same time. If something was wrong, she was secretly thrilled that Arizona was comfortable enough to come here instead of waiting a few days until their next appointment. However, if the reason behind her presence was something different, well, Callie was still secretly thrilled that the blonde woman was sitting across from her anyway. A thought that alarmed her slightly, but she was a professional. She wanted to help. She wanted to do her job and be there for this woman, putting her own thoughts and feelings aside.

"I've... I've been having nightmares," she felt stupid for saying it, for making it sound so childish, but she didn't know who else to tell, where else to go. And this woman sitting across from her was supposed to hear things like this, dumb little things and not judge her for it, not think any less of her just because she was scared shitless by a few bad dreams. She was banking on that right now. She chanced a glance at the woman sitting behind the desk and saw that she was listening intently, waiting for Arizona to continue. But she didn't know if she could elaborate more than that. She wanted to, but her words were getting lost in her throat.

Attention focused solely on the nervous woman before her, Callie sat up straighter in her seat, arms crossing her chest as she gently probed with a quiet, "Nightmares about what?"

Arizona shifted nervously, her eyes squeezing shut for a moment and her fingers tangled together in her lap. She continued fighting to find the words, to just get _out_, but she couldn't. She physically couldn't form the right words, the ones that laid it all out and offered progress instead of resistance, so she settled for all she could vocalize.

"Iraq."

Just saying that one word had the blondes mind reeling. She fought off all the images that plagued her, asleep or awake; children in the streets with automatic weapons, bodies lined along roads, entire towns reduced to no more than an innuendo of the homes and lives they once held. She could smell the death in the air, she could feel the burn of the sun against her eyes, and she could remember every last detail of the time she had spent as a prisoner, treated like an animal for eight weeks with no end in sight. She could remember everything they'd done to her, everything they had said, everything they'd threatened, and everything they'd taken from her.

Callie watched, somewhat stunned, as the young woman seemed to have an almost silent mental breakdown in front of her. Arizona never cried, her face never portrayed any emotion other than the ever present hopelessness, but Callie could practically hear the woman's mind moving at a throttling speed. Eyes that usually darted all around the floor, nervous and unsure, remained fixated on the deep vermillion paint on the wall behind Callie.

"Arizona," she coaxed gently, urging the blonde to come out of whatever time she was stuck in. She said her name once more, and again received no reply. Stepping out from behind her desk, she had a brief mental argument with herself on how to approach the blonde, and eventually reached a conclusion that was probably the _very _least professional, but she didn't care.

She knelt on her knees directly in front of Arizona, causing them to be on eye level, and before the blonde's instinct to recoil from the close quarters kicked in, Callie put her hands on Arizona's shoulders and held steady.

"You're safe, Arizona. Wherever you went just now, whatever happened there, it's not today's reality."

Unsure blue eyes met comforting brown ones for less than a millisecond before dodging them again.

Callie could feel the tension still radiating throughout the smaller frame before her so she continued applying light pressure, praying she was making things better and not worse. A stray curl danced it's way down Arizona's cheek before dangling right in front of the blondes eye and Callie reached to tuck it behind the woman's ear, cupping her face gently and giving a sad smile when blue eyes met hers again.

"What did they do to you, Arizona? Those eight weeks you were gone, what did they do to you?"

Arizona let out a shaky breath, feeling more comforted by the soft palm on her face than she had felt in a long, long time.

She had a long list of answers to that question, as they'd done a long list of things to her, but instead she replied with, "I thought you weren't going to ask me that yet."

Her stomach dropped as Callie removed her hand, the irrational panic she'd been living with since she'd returned set back in.

"If you're having nightmares, Arizona, we need to talk about," Callie regretted having to say this since she really didn't want Arizona talking about such painful memories so soon, but if the blonde was suffering even in her sleep, it was even more unhealthy to keep it bottled inside.

Arizona nodded, but didn't offer any other response.

Callie lifted herself from her knees only to sit right next to Arizona on the couch.

"Would you like to talk a little longer today? I know you're not scheduled to, but I don't mind in the slightest."

The blonde shook her head, "No, I think.. I think I'm fine to leave. But thank you for seeing me."

Callie nodded, figuring that would be the response. And as Arizona passed by her on the way to the door, Callie stopped her by tugging on her hand.

"I'm glad you came to me today, Arizona. And I want you to take this with you," she leaned across her desk, pulling out a drawer and slipping a card in the blonde's hand, "This is my cell phone number. You call me anytime, it doesn't matter when. If you need me at 3 o'clock in the morning, you call me at 3 o'clock in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," Arizona whispered, slipping the card in her jacket pocket and disappearing through the door.

Callie sighed and rested her head against the back of the couch.

Cristina Yang was right. She liked this girl.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay ladies (and maybe gentlemen?). I've been in the middle of a city wide power outage (no fuckin restaurants, no fuckin Walmart, no fuckin gas stations, no fuckin stoplights, and no MOTHERfuckin air conditioning) so it's been tough keeping this story going when all I have to write is my phone, plus no internet, all the while about to die from a heat stroke, but here I am... Please, hold your applause.**

**Oh, and in case nobody read the little note above chapter two, the time Arizona spent as a POW is eight weeks, NOT eight months. I don't proofread my own work very well and i didn't catch that slip till after the fact. Moving onward, I present to you, chapter four.**

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In the sessions that followed Arizona's unexpected visit to Callie's office, the blonde had been opening up much more than usual, albeit extremely vaguely. Though they'd covered that Arizona's nightmares largely stemmed from her time as a prisoner of war, she'd yet to disclose any specific details as to what had happened to her during those eight weeks. Callie had tried a vast amount of approaches, from practically begging the blonde to give up the story to trying to trick her into answering. Each attempt yielded no results, but she remained persistent (perhaps in the hope that Arizona would talk solely to get the therapist to stop asking), truly hoping she'd soon get down to all the nasty bits of it all.

And amongst feeling helpless and useless to the blonde, Callie was becoming more and more aware of an extremely unprofessional attraction to the blonde. She'd found it increasingly easier to get Arizona to talk about her life before the war, and had since then found herself desperate to know all the seemingly meaningless quirks and hobbies of the younger woman. It was dangerous to become so invested in a patient, particularly one as fragile as Arizona, and it took more self control than she would've ever believed she possessed to not completely breach the patient/doctor boundaries and take the petite woman home and try her best to make Arizona completely forget all the things she didn't want to remember. If Callie was being honest, the right thing to do in this situation would be to step away, tell Arizona that she couldn't continue their sessions and both of them go their separate ways. But Callie was Callie and when she cared and became invested, there was no such thing as turning back. She didn't want anyone else on Arizona's case. It had taken the blonde this long to warm up to her, and she was slowly learning the right things to say and the right subjects to stay on whenever a certain look crossed Arizona's eyes. She wasn't going to dump the already shattered woman onto someone else.

It was half past four on a Friday, Arizona's appointment had been made for four on the dot and Callie hadn't seen nor heard from the blonde. She sat behind her desk, clicking a pen impatiently. She heaved a sigh before she got up for about the hundredth time and stepped out of the office to ask Cristina if Arizona had called.

As she got closer to her secretary's desk, Cristina didn't even look up from her computerized solitaire game before saying, "No, I haven't heard from Lieutenant Malibu Barbie. Can I please go home now?"

Callie rolled her eyes, trying not to hide her disappointment. Arizona was her last appointment of the day and if she wasn't showing, there wasn't much use in either of them sticking around any longer.

"Yeah, sure, I'll lock up and I'll see you-"

The words were cut off as Cristina promptly shut the computer off, jumped up and made for the door.

"Sweet! See ya later, bye!"

And with that, the door shut behind her and Callie was left alone. She piddled a bit before making sure everything was situated and shut off for the weekend before grabbing her purse and heading for the exit herself. She'd stalled as much as possible with the hopes that Arizona would come knocking in the mean time, but no such luck. She shut the lights off and pulled the door closed and made for the parking garage across the street.

Walking down the row she was mildly certain she had parked her car in, she walked past a small SUV with a familiar blonde sitting in the driver seat. Emotions torn between relief and curiosity, she walked up to the driver side and knocked on the window.

Arizona flinched as though struck and her knuckles tightened around the steering wheel. She remained faced straight ahead and her entire body shook, the remnants of tear tracks prominent on her cheeks. Immediately worried, Callie tried the door, but it was locked.

She called Arizona's name through the glass and rapped her knuckles against the window again. The blondes only response was a shake of her head, but when Callie let out a little more forcefully, "Arizona, open the door NOW," she silently reached across the passenger seat and unlocked that door, which Callie took as an invitation to walk around the vehicle and slide in. Arizona still didn't look at her, eyes focused only directly in front of her and Callie only allowed a few seconds of silence before she broke it, closing the door behind her.

"Arizona, what's going on? You were meant to be in my office almost an hour ago, are you okay?"

The blonde shook her head again, a shaky hand releasing the steering wheel and brushing away a fresh onslaught of tears.

Callie, growing more and more worried, lifted the console between them and slid closer to the younger woman. Prying one of Arizona's hands from the steering wheel, she linked one of hers with the blonde's and slid her other between Arizona's back and the car seat, rubbing what she hoped to be comforting circles as the blonde continued to nearly hyperventilate.

"Arizona," she urged quietly, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Just talk to me."

Arizona took an unsteady breath and opened her mouth to reply, but then just shook her head, "It's stupid."

Callie couldn't contain the humorless laugh that escaped her mouth.

"Nothing stupid would have you this upset, hon," Callie reassured, dropping the blonde's hand and dragging hers up to Arizona's chin, turning her face so that their eyes connected. "Just tell me what's going on, alright? I just want to help."

The blonde inhaled a deep breath, weighing the options of working through this on her own, or working through this with Callie, whose hands on her body were bringing the panic attack under control faster than Arizona ever would've thought possible.

A few moments passed in silence before the blonde could collect herself enough to finally speak, and Callie was patient throughout, her left hand still on Arizona's back and her right securely wrapped around the young Marine's again.

"It was the car next to me," Arizona finally let out, voice soft and forcefully steady, "They were pulling out just as I was about to open my door and it backfired, loudly, and it just... I don't... One second I was here and the next I was there."

"Back where?" Callie questioned gently, urging the frail woman across from her to open up.

"Back in the desert," blue eyes shifted from looking out the window to looking in her lap, a small blush working its way across her face, "I know it's stupid and nonsensical, but-"

"It's normal, Arizona,' Callie reassured her, "And this won't be the last time it happens. You're going to have triggers. They're going to sneak up on you and stem from the most mundane, ordinary things, but it's going to happen."

Arizona nodded silently, and Callie continued, "It's going to be rough for a long, long time, but it'll get better. And I won't lie to you, they might not ever completely go away, you might still have moments twenty years from now, but that's why I'm here, okay? I'm here to help you learn to deal with them and fight them. You have to trust me, Arizona. You have to let me in. Otherwise I can't help you, and it will only get worse. You have to talk to me. There's nothing you can tell me that will change how I see you, alright?"

Arizona scoffed and allowed her eyes to meet Callie's, brown ones recognizing anger flash through blue.

"And how do you see me? Some pitiful, broken woman who can't go through the simplest of tasks without a panic attack? Or-"

Callie cut her off, fully aware that the anger was being used to deflect the conversation.

"I see you as the strongest, smartest, most beautiful, both inside and out, woman to ever fight for her country."

Arizona shook her head defiantly, pulling her hand from Callie's, "You wouldn't say that. Not if you knew what I've done."

"Tell me what you've done and we'll see about that."

"It's not that simple."

"But isn't it?"

Arizona sighed shakily, closed her eyes and brought a hand to her forehead, resting her elbow on the door frame.

"Let's get out of here," Callie suggested, having mentally debated repeatedly whether or not it was a bad idea, "You told me a couple sessions ago that driving puts you at ease. So, let's go. You drive and maybe the words will find their way out. And if they don't, that's okay too. At least your head will hopefully clear for a little while."

Arizona turned her head slightly to gaze at the brunette, her eyes torn between apprehension and worry.

"Are you sure?"

Callie smiled widely, now knowing this was the right decision, "Why on earth wouldn't I be?"

"What if I have a breakthrough and run you into a telephone pole?"

Callie's grin widened even more, "Why, Arizona Robbins, I believe that was a joke. We're making progress already."

Arizona rolled her eyes and started the car, trying to hide the blush spreading across her face.

As she shifted the car into reverse, Callie buckled up and noticed that the woman next to her was already visibly relaxing; her grip wasn't quite as intense on the steering wheel and her breathing evened out considerably. Pulling up to the exit of the parking garage, Arizona stopped and Callie answered the question before it was asked.

"We can go anywhere you want. Doesn't have to be anywhere at all really. Just drive."

"Okay."

The next ten or so minutes passed in a tense silence that Callie spent wondering whether or not she should be the one to instigate the conversation, or if she should wait for the blonde to begin voluntarily giving out information. Given Arizona's history of needing to be prodded into talking, she eventually caved and started asking questions.

"So what happened back there? When the car backfired, what did you remember?"

Pulling up at a stoplight, Arizona inhaled deeply and tapped her fingers against the wheel, trying to find an explanation but ultimately settled on a vague, "Chaos."

"And what does that mean?," Callie asked gently.

Arizona closed her eyes briefly before moving the car again as the light changed to green.

"There's no such thing as one bullet over there," she replied quietly, "When one sounds, it's just the beginning. It's someone giving up their location and all guns in the field immediately train to that area. And once your location is compromised, that's it. It's chaos. Organized the best your leader knows how, but ultimately," another shaky breath, "it's just chaos."

Callie nodded, choosing to look out the window instead of Arizona, trying to make the blonde feel less like she was being scrutinized and more like they were just talking.

"Were you ever shot?"

"Yeah... Well no, I guess just grazed," she shifted carefully to show Callie a nasty looking scar along her right tricep, "One of the men I was hunkered down with had been shot in the leg.. It was mangled worse than anything I'd ever seen. Everyone called him Tank because he was _huge_. Six foot seven and over two hundred pounds. I was trying to move him, to get him under better cover, but I couldn't, he was too big. I remember _begging_ him to try and stand, I could take the brunt of the weight if I could just get him to use his other leg, but he was going into shock," her voice began to crack and she took a few seconds to calm herself back down, "And then he started talking, like crazy type talking, asking for all these people who weren't there and the shots were coming more rapidly, zipping by us and into the ground all around us and then one caught me..."

Her voice trailed off and Callie urged her to continue, "And what happened then?"

"I don't know. I mean, I do but I don't. Adrenaline kicked in I guess and I began pulling underneath his arms again, using everything I had in me. He'd move a few inches and then I'd have to stop. Then I'd start again and it felt like my arm was falling off but I couldn't just leave him there. He had a family, you know? He had kids and he had a wife and I wasn't going to be the one to look at them and tell them I left him there to die. I felt like I pulled him for hours and never got anywhere. I don't remember anything else. I remember praying, and I remember crying, but then the next thing I know it's two days later and I'm waking up in a medical tent."

Watching out the window as city life quickly began fading into forestry and green landscape, Callie soaked in every word that came from the blonde next to her.

"Did he live?"

"Yes."

Callie finally looked over at the blonde, blue eyes fixated on the road before her, and the brunette smiled.

"You saved his life."

A somewhat furious shake of her head, "I almost killed us both because I wasn't strong enough."

"Arizona," Callie placed a comforting hand on the blonde's knee, "You saved his life. You could have left him, you could have run, but you didn't."

"I don't see it like that."

"That's what I'm here for," was Callie's only response, "To make you see it the way it is."

* * *

**And for those of you leaving feedback, I'd like to know if ya'll would rather this continue as it is, meaning basically 100% from Callie's outlook, or if you'd like to have it shift on towards Arizona more? I think there's been a few times I've (very briefly) put it off towards Arizona, but I wasn't sure if you'd rather have Arizona's feelings/thoughts come only from her interactions with Callie, or what? Does my question even make sense? Let me know, yo! I'm also trying to make my chapters longer, but if it becomes too much at once, again, that's what feedback's for. I'll shut up now.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**You guys are the best reviewers in the history of forever. I appreciate them all, and most especially those giving detailed feedback, you're all awesome and great and stupendous and all that shit.**

**I've gotten mixed input as far as an Arizona POV goes, so I'm gonna attempt to find the happy medium and go into her a little bit but without giving too much away, ya dig? Oh, and if anyone gives the smallest iota of a damn, the story title comes from a song by Art of Dying. I thought it fit the circumstances purty well, but that's just me. **

**Enough blabber, here's your next chapter. Please continue spoiling me with your reviews.**

Somewhere along the line, neither Arizona nor Callie could pinpoint exactly when, it became some sort of unspoken agreement that Arizona's appointments were henceforth scheduled as the last of the day, and instead of spending one hour or so within the confines of the therapist's office, they spent upwards of three or more in Arizona's vehicle. Callie would get the office situated and locked up for the night (or weekend if it were a Friday), and meet Arizona in the parking garage. It wasn't exactly ethical, the brunette knew this, but if a car ride was what it took to get the blonde to open up to her, she was willing to ride shotgun through the city and up into the mountains. Cristina, despite all the odds, had yet to make some witty remark about this little set up, which was probably largely due to the fact that several days a week, she was getting off work an hour early.

Callie was both extremely impressed and extremely uneasy of the progress they were now making. Impressed given how easily Arizona was now speaking of her time spent in the war, yet uneasy for the same reason. She was worried that the sudden onslaught was affecting Arizona outside of the sessions. While her time spent around the brunette was open and honest, Timothy had been in contact with Callie a couple times to tell her that he was worried that she was so much more withdrawn around him and the rest of the family. She hadn't spoken much to begin with after returning from active duty, but he'd informed Callie that it was getting worse, especially after her appointments, and the blonde was hardly heard from, much less seen, unless he sought her out practically forced her into a family dinner at their mother's house.

To be truthful, a small part of Callie was kind of pleased about this. Of course, this part of her was coincidentally the same part that had a hard time discerning what was ethical as far as a doctor/patient relationship went. She enjoyed knowing that _she_ was the one the blonde was trusting and opening up to. However, the rest of her, meaning all the parts of her that had spent countless hours in college lectures learning how to keep distance and boundaries with patients, knew that this was unhealthy for Arizona. From either viewpoint, it was excellent that Arizona was finally starting to let out all her feelings, thoughts and memories, but the fact that she was so closed off from those meant to be closest to her was troublesome. Callie had assured Timothy that she would mention it to the other woman, encourage her to confide in family and friends, in whatever way she was the most comfortable with, but she'd yet to do so. It was something she found difficult to work into conversations, especially now that the blonde would talk endlessly and rarely give Callie the opportunity to vie for more than a question here and there.

Then, there was also the trouble of getting Arizona to speak of the eight weeks she was held in a prisoner camp. The Marine would talk all around that period of her deployment; she'd jump from time before and the time after, yet never even acknowledge the time in between. Callie hadn't asked about it since Arizona had made the impromptu visit regarding her nightmares, but she knew that if there was ever a hope of the blonde leading as normal a life as possible, it would have to be addressed.

Arizona knew this as well, but steadfastly avoided the subject at all costs. Her trust in Callie was a delicate, complex commodity. Her guard lowered significantly in the presence of the brunette, not by choice, but she didn't fight it as she probably would have with anyone else. Being around Callie was comforting and put her at ease, something she couldn't say for anyone else in her life. Yet, she still wasn't capable of letting everything go and putting it all on the table, which stemmed from a lack of trust in her own self, not with Callie. Before she'd been deployed, the last thing she'd ever consider herself would be self-questioning, but now, after she'd come back, it was the _only_ thing she'd consider herself. It was a difficult thing to explain, but it essentially came down to her no longer having any faith, trust, or comfort in herself. In Iraq, she'd had to make snap decisions, ones that were ultimately life and death for her and her fellow Marines, and for some of those, she never felt that she'd made the right ones. Hindsight was a bitch, something she'd learned firsthand, and now it had obliterated any confidence she'd held in herself. Which ultimately affected her ability to confide completely in Callie. She didn't trust herself to trust Callie. She came back from Iraq filled with little more than self-doubt. It felt as though every important decision she'd made over there, every single one, had been wrong. Consequentially, she didn't trust her own instincts and her own actions.

She knew deep down that it was sort of pointless to not trust a therapist, be it Callie or anyone else in the profession. They were the people who were trained to hold no judgments, listen to all her little and big troubles, and do nothing more than offer helpful advice. But she felt like the skeletons (both figurative and literal) in her own closet were a little more extensive than Callie had dealt with before. She liked the brunette, she really did, and maybe if by some stroke of luck they'd met before she'd been deployed, there would be a deep connection there. But life never worked that way for her and now things were different. She was different. She didn't know if she had it in her to entertain thoughts of friendship, companionship, or anything remotely resembling the two with anyone. And she just didn't know anymore if she had it in her to find happiness, a way out of the dark.

* * *

At a quarter to four one Friday afternoon, a week or so after they'd first spent their appointment in Arizona's vehicle, Callie and Cristina were once again preparing to head out. One excited about heading home, the other somewhat nervous about a certain blonde waiting in her car across the street.

"So..," Cristina broke the comfortable silence they'd lapsed into as they went through their closing up routine, "I haven't said anything before now, so I think that totally speaks volumes about my maturity level, but this... thing you're doing. Let's discuss."

"Huh?," came Callie's confused response, leafing through files and putting them in their respective places in the cabinet.

Poking her head over the top of the cabinet and resting her chin on her hands, Cristina broke out into a shit eating grin.

"Don't even do that."

Callie looked up briefly before going back to her work, "Do what? What are you talking about? What 'thing' am I doing? These are files. This is a filing cabinet. I'm putting the files _in_ the filing cabinet. Because files _belong_ in the filing cabinet."

An exasperated sigh can from the other woman as the walked around the side, hands on her hips, "I'm not _talking_ about the stupid files and the filing cabinet. I'm talking about this hooker thing you're doing."

Completely bewildered now, Callie turned around and met Cristina's gaze.

"I'm sorry- What hooker thing?"

The smaller woman rolled her eyes, "Oh _please_, this whole _Saving Private Blonde Bombshell_ thing! You disappear in a car for a few hours, get paid for it, call it your job... Shall I continue?"

"You know," Callie replied, shaking her head and turning back to the files, "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"So," came Cristina's proud continuation, "I'm obviously right, right? You guys are mashing your genitals together whilst you're on the clock and getting paid hourly. Or maybe salary? What _do_ you get paid anyway?"

"Cristina, I swear to God I'm going to hurt you if you don't shut up."

Scratching her chin thoughtfully, Cristina smirked, "I may not be the college educated one here, but I'm _pretty _sure someone somewhere at some point said we only get angry and defensive about the things we know are true..."

Callie through her a glare and slammed the final cabinet shut with enough force to make the other woman jump, but her smirk never faltered.

"You can go home now."

"I'm waiting on you. I'd _very_ much like to walk you across the street to make sure you find your car okay."

"Go home, Cristina."

An overdramatic sigh pushed through Cristina's lips, as she gave up and made for the door, "_Fine_, but just so you know, we are so _not_ done with this."

A few seconds later Callie heard the door open and close, signaling that she was now alone, and she found herself both nervous and excited to see the blonde she knew would be waiting for her. It was kind of stupid to be excited about seeing her, Callie knew this, mainly because there was nothing new to expect. This wasn't like a date she was preparing for; it was just another patient and this was just her job, just being done outside of the office.

But Arizona just never felt like another patient and she definitely didn't seem like another job.

Sighing to herself and grabbing her purse off the desk, Callie finally headed out the door, turning the lights off behind her. She maneuvered her way quickly across the street outside and spotted Arizona's car almost immediately after stepping into the parking garage. This caused her to walk more briskly, and make an attempt to at least limit the broad smile spreading its way across her face. As was their routine, Callie rapped her knuckles against the window of the passenger side door, and Arizona wordlessly leaned across to unlock it.

As was her personal routine, Callie took a deep breath and tried to subdue the butterflies in her stomach before she slid in.

"How are you?," Callie asked as she shut the car door and reached behind herself for the seat belt.

"I've been worse," was Arizona's quiet response, was _always_ Arizona's response to that particular question.

The first few moments were always the least comfortable in the vehicle, Callie was finding out. They weren't entirely _un_comfortable, it was just difficult to find a quick of way of starting the conversation in a way that didn't continue dwelling on what they'd covered the last time. Callie wanted to get to know the woman sitting opposite her, but she really didn't want to hear the same stories multiple times, at least not _these_ stories anyway.

She actually had learned a great deal about the things that Arizona had seen and experienced while she was overseas, though. Not many of the things Arizona shared were pleasant, happy insights, but it wasn't a pleasant and happy time in the blonde's life and Callie wasn't really interested in the blonde trying to cover up all the bad with the small bits of good. While finding the silver lining in a shitty situation was something she generally encouraged, it wouldn't be constructive to the blonde's healing process, as much as it pained the brunette to say it. Arizona had been to the closest version of hell on earth and she was aching from it. She'd witnessed many deaths, encountered countless dangerous terrorists, and lost some of the people closest to her over there, and here she was now. Changed, no doubt, it was undecided if it was a good change or a bad change, they hadn't gotten far enough to talk about what Arizona had learned and how her values had shifted, but the one silver lining Callie persistently pointed out to the blonde was that she was still here. She was alive.

Arizona had yet to decide if being alive was a good thing or a bad thing. That wasn't to say that she held any suicidal thoughts or feelings, she just didn't know if going through all that and being able to recall every last detail was better than being killed over there.

As they pulled out of the parking garage and began down the busy street outside, Arizona spoke first, something that hadn't happened before.

"I don't want to drive today."

Callie, slightly taken aback both by the statement and the fact that Arizona had been the one to break the silence, recovered quickly but was unsure of what to say, "That's... that's fine. Would you like to go back to the office? Or-"

"No," the blonde interrupted, "No that's not... I just.. I want to take you somewhere," she glanced quickly over at Callie, nerves getting the best of her, wondering if this was going to be a stupid idea, "I mean, if that's okay."

Out of her peripheral vision, she could see Callie looking over at her, giving her a wide smile, "It's definitely okay."

Arizona nodded her acknowledgment and sped up slightly. If she had to think on this too much, about whether or not she really wanted to take Callie here, she'd question herself too much and ultimately end up just turning around. So instead of allowing herself to sit in silence and mull things over further, she started talking, much to the surprise of her company.

"Tell me something about you."

She looked over long enough to catch Callie's startled yet bemused expression, and let out a sigh of relief when the brunette didn't ask her why she was now the one asking the questions.

"What do you want to know?"

Arizona shrugged, "I don't know. Whatever you want to say."

Callie looked out the window and grinned, this was a turn of events she hadn't been expecting.

For the next half hour or so, Callie talked of herself. How she'd grown up in Miami, with a sister she'd quite like to throttle most of the time, a mother who had spent her whole life trying to keep the peace between them, and a father who was MIA most of the time given his booming business. She then talked about moving to Seattle; how she'd hated the rain at first but now lived for it. How she'd met Cristina at a bar when they were both searching unsuccessfully for a roommate in a new city, and how they'd eventually moved in with one another and lasted all of three months before Callie had called her a disgusting slob, Cristina had called her an anal retentive bitch, thus ending their living situation but somehow solidifying their friendship.

Callie talked and Arizona listened, soaking up any and all details of the woman across from her that she could. She'd never met anyone as honest and carefree as Callie. She liked that about her. She liked a lot about her, but she liked these two things the most.

A brief silence had fallen in the car as they'd began their way up a steep dirt road that Arizona apparently knew by heart but Callie had never ventured up before. She wanted to ask where they were going, especially when the sky looked like it was about to open up at any second and drown the world beneath, but she didn't say anything. She didn't want to question the blonde, she wanted Arizona to know that she trusted her. And, honestly, she didn't even really care where they were going as long as Arizona was still sitting next to her.

Eventually, Arizona pulled the car over switched it off. Look back over at Callie who was thoughtfully examining their location, she asked if Callie minded that it would be a short walk.

Callie had grinned, shaking her head, and the blonde was quickly finding out that the brunette's grin could light up a lot of things, both within the outside world and within her, within Arizona.

They both exited the car and Callie waited (somewhat impatiently, really wanting to know where they were heading) for Arizona to meet her around on the other side. The blonde had hesitated briefly next to Callie, who offered a comforting smile, and reached out to interlock their fingers, squeezing the blonde's fingers reassuringly.

Arizona had nodded, seemingly more in response to a question in her own head than in response to Callie's smile, and tugged the therapist forward, beginning their way up a small, almost invisible trail through the forest. Their fingers remained intertwined for the better part of the journey, something Callie chose to focus on rather than the fact that the soggy soil was surely ruining her shoes.

The walk was short, no longer than fifteen minutes if Callie had to wager a guess, and as they stepped out of the thick underbrush that was practically closing in on them by this point, she'd have to say it was worth losing a pair of shoes over.

Her breath left her body slightly as the beauty of the lake stretching out before them took her by surprise. It was encompassed by a vast array of mountains surrounding them, and they seemed to be standing on the tallest of the lot. Callie could see everything, but she was a stranger to all of it. She'd been a city girl her entire life; from Miami, to a brief year spent in New York City, and now to Seattle. She'd never been much of the outdoor type, and had never been around something quite as mesmerizing as this. Her eyes were wide and Arizona nervously scuffed her feet in the ground as she stood beside the awestruck woman.

"This is just...," Callie started, but couldn't find the words to finish. There were none.

Arizona looked over to her nervously, suddenly very worried she'd made a mistake bringing the other woman here. Who was to say this was her type of thing?

"Do you like it?," she finally asked, curiosity getting the best of her as Callie continued to stare in complete silence.

The brunette shot her an incredulous look, "Are you kidding? This is_ beautiful_. How did you find this?"

Arizona's heart accelerated a great deal by relief that Callie was so taken.

"I was just driving around one day after I got back. And I just... It became a place that was special to me. Because it's... It's just the complete opposite."

"The opposite of what?"

Arizona took a deep breath, "It's the opposite of Iraq. Over there... It's... It's all sand, and dry and flat and you can see for miles in either direction. There's nothing there. But this," she gestured out towards the lake and mountains, "This is the opposite. And I could pretend that this was all there was, you know? It's easy to not believe that a place like Iraq can even exist in the same world as this. The mountains come up so high and that makes it becomes pretty easy to believe that this is the _only_ place that exists if you sit here long enough. I would come here and sit and I could pretend that everything over there, every last bit of it, was just some long forgotten nightmare."

Callie was quiet, contemplating what the blonde had just told her, and followed completely willingly as Arizona tugged her forward to sit along the edge of the mountain they were on. In any other time, in any other place, Callie would be completely terrified sitting on what felt like the edge of the world like this. But she sat, completely entranced by everything before her, and the woman beside her. Her feet dangled over the edge and a smile remained permanently fixed to her face.

She looked over at Arizona and bumped their shoulders together playfully.

"Thank you for bringing me here."

"Thank you for coming."

Callie laughed at that, wondering how in the world the woman next to her could make that sound so sincere, as if the brunette possessed the ability to not follow the blonde anywhere in the world.

As Callie laughed, the corner's of Arizona's mouth twitched slightly.

Sometimes she felt like she'd forgotten how to laugh or how to smile.

But she was starting to think that the laughing brunette next to her could be the one to make her remember.

* * *

**Alright, dudes. Was that okay as far as both POVs go? Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I meant to post a chapter sooner, but stuff's been kinda crazy/headachey in my life, so I apologize for the delay.  
**

**Also, I should've said this sooner, but I don't know squat about the Marines, therapist conduct, PTSD, or any of that junk. Pretend we're in a land far, far away where everything I write is entirely plausible and all that good stuff. I've had a brief googling experience over the whole patient/therapist legality thing, like whether or not it happens, and there's like 2.4 billion people all saying different things, so I'm electing the whole artistic license thing for the remainder of this story :P (This is also an invitation to tell me what you know as far as these things go, because all I'm basing it on is... nothing.) From what I've read (from the good people of yahoo answers), it's not illegal... just incredibly completely undeniably 600% unethical and usually unheard of for therapists to be all 'omg i luv u' with patients. But in the land of, well, _me_, we say to hell with ethics and morals. Who needs 'em?  
**

* * *

"Callie, what the _hell_ is _that_?"

Returning from the bathroom, Cristina looked disdainfully at the drink Callie had ordered for her, nose scrunched with distaste.

"A margarita, idiot, what the hell does it look like?"

Perching on the bar stool next to the therapist, Cristina poked experimentally at the mushy substance in the glass.

"I asked you to order me a drink, and you got me a slushy with an umbrella in it. This thing is like… Alcohol with training wheels."

"Suit yourself," Callie shrugged, pulling the glass towards herself and taking a long gulp as Cristina asked the bartender for a few shots of tequila.

She sighed happily as they were slid in front of her, "Now this, _this_, is a drink. Not that little dolled up icy concoction of shit."

"Whatever," was Callie's only retort, sipping contentedly on her drink, "Remind me again why we're here?"

"We're celebrating."

"Celebrating what?"

"Saturday," Cristina offered with a shrug before tossing back a shot.

"Right," Callie nodded, "Where's Owen?"

The petite brunette next to her shuddered as she downed another shot, "God, I love that burn." Turning her stool a bit more towards Callie and a bit further away from the old man who had just sat down on her other side, she waved her hand flippantly, "He had to help someone somewhere do something with a bunch of stuff I didn't understand."

"Your knowledge of your fiancée's whereabouts astounds me."

"He was talking fast and I was watching _Wheel of Fortune_. The details escaped me. But where's Mark? Doesn't he leap and pant at the mere mention of 'bar' and 'Callie Torres'?"

Callie shook her head, "He had plans tonight or something. He said he might stop by later."

Giving her a cheeky grin, Cristina nudged her shoulder, "Stop by _here_ later, or stop by Callie's House of Love later?"

"Oh, grow up. We haven't slept together in like six months."

Pulling a serious face, but her eyes playful, Cristina laid a comforting hand on the therapist's arm, "And how does that make you _feel_?"

Callie laughed and pulled away, "There's a reason you're a secretary to a therapist and not _the_ therapist, you know. Concerned just looks creepy on you."

"That and the fact that I'd become overwhelmed with the urge to hang myself if I had to listen to those idiots all day long," she shivered dramatically at the thought, "How goes the therapist-ing anyway? Has Mrs. Link's microwave stopped giving her emotional breakdowns yet?"

Callie barked out a laugh and rolled her eyes, "It was the oven, thanks, not the microwave."

Her secretary nodded seriously, "Right, right. Sometimes I forget which kitchen appliances can cause a meltdown. I'll have to keep a list."

Callie chuckled and signaled for the bartender to bring her another drink.

"Sooo… Am I allowed to ask about G.I Jane now, or what?"

Callie gave an exasperated sigh, "When you start using her _name_, you can start asking about her."

"_Fine_," Cristina relented, "What the hell is the deal with Arizona?"

Callie sat silently for a moment, twirling the umbrella in her drink in mindless circles. As Cristina heaved an impatient groan, and ordered a few more shots, she finally spoke.

"I dunno really. Do you think it's stupid of me to be doing what I'm doing? Like. Not stupid as in stupid. But stupid as in professionally speaking."

She didn't realize she was holding a nervous breath until she saw Cristina shake her head, and then she relaxed.

"No, I don't. I mean, it's what helps her, right? And this is going to come out as a joke, but I'm serious when I say it, as long as you two aren't… You know… Doing it, I don't really see why it matters. But then again, I'm not exactly the one who spent like four centuries in school learning what's right and wrong as far as patients and doctors go… So whatever I say you ought to take with a grain of salt."

Callie didn't say anything, not that she wasn't listening because she was, pretty intently in fact. But the more she thought about it, the more all of it confused her. With any other patient, she probably would've found a better, more professional approach to the issue. Arizona might have eventually started talking within the confines of her office, but definitely not as quickly as she was now. She knew that at least a small part of her had been okay with the car rides for strictly selfish reasons, a need to know the blonde more thoroughly faster. Which she knew was a bad, bad thing to let happen. Once she let her personal feelings start dictating her professional stance with the blonde, it was only going to head for disaster, either for her or the blonde and, quite possibly, both of them.

The two brunettes sat in silence for a few more moments at the bar, both lost in their own thoughts, before Cristina spoke again.

"Okay, I have to ask the obligatory question."

Slightly apprehensive, Callie gestured for her to continue.

"Once again, this is probably gonna come out like a joke, but for real. Why do you like this chick so much? I mean is it some kind of mountain to overcome as far as being a therapist goes? Your first insanely difficult case to breakthrough? Because what do you know about her? Other than the bits of the war, obviously. I'm talking relationship material. Likes, dislikes, all that shit… You know what I mean? Don't get me wrong, totally not judging you. I'm just curious."

This, right here, was why Callie was friends with Cristina. The drunk talks. Sure, the other brunette was a bit snappy and aggravating at times, but when Cristina was drinking, she was the opposite. Of course, Callie liked her just fine throughout the rest of the day. Most of the time. But when Cristina Yang was well on her way to being hammered, she was a pretty fantastic friend with a level head.

Mulling over her answer, Callie gave the question deep consideration, knowing the answer, but not knowing how to vocalize it. She knew that, essentially, Cristina was right. She didn't really know Arizona that well. She knew details, but there was a big difference between knowing someone, and just knowing details about someone. At the same time, though, she still had reasons for being attracted to the blonde, though most of them seemed kind of superficial and cliche.

"I don't know, Cristina. I mean... She's obviously good looking," glaring at Cristina as she shot her an accusing look, Callie continued, "_But_, it's not based on something that shallow. She's smart, you know? And she can be funny. It's unintentional every time, but she is. And I feel like that once she really starts heading back towards feeling better about herself and all she's been through, she can be intentionally funny. And she's a good person. She doesn't see it, not at all, but she is. But that's not really all of it. I can't put the parts that matter into words, you know what I mean?"

Cristina nodded and shrugged, "I get that. I do. I just think you need to be careful, alright? Other than the fact that you're probably breaking like ten thousand ethical doctor codes, this could end badly in a million and one different ways without all the professional code of conduct bullshit."

"What kind of ways?," Callie inquired, a bit hesitant of the answer but at the same time needing to see this from someone else's viewpoint.

"Okay, well, the most obvious of the ways being the fact that you've never been with a chick before, right?," Callie nodded her consent, and Cristina continued, "So that's like... A whole new layer of complicated. You know, dealing with her preexisting issues, along with your newfound ones, that's a headache just thinking about. Then, and please take no offense to this, there's your less-than-wonderful track record when it comes to relationships in general."

While Callie would quite like to argue that her previous relationships had little to do with this one, she knew Cristina was right. Callie had always had the problem of falling too fast and too blind with the wrong type of person. Her judgement was usually clouded by her own insecurities as a person, and it had become a routine for her judgement to bite her in the ass.

"So I guess you're saying this whole situation is pretty much hopeless," Callie commented with a resigned sigh.

"No, I'm saying the circumstances are complicated ones you haven't dealt with before, and you have relationship issues even with optimal circumstances."

Callie nodded, a small frown adorning her features, "So what do you suggest I do?"

Placing her hands in the small of her back and arching, Cristina let out a sigh as joints popped and grinned, "For right now, I say we forget about it and drink copious amounts of alcohol and deal with it later. You need a break from thinking."

And they did just that.

* * *

A few hours and a rather large sum of alcoholic beverages later, it was a mutual agreement to pay their tabs and call it a night.

Opting to walk the few blocks back to her apartment instead of wasting money on a cab for a ten minute ride, Callie stepped out into the cold night air and bade goodbye to Cristina as they both set off in opposite direction. She took a deep breath, tugged her leather jacket tighter around herself and set off, a slight stumble in her step at first, but she quickly sobered up as the chill in the air seeped through her clothing. As she walked, she became lost in her thoughts about everything she and Cristina had talked about in regards to Arizona. She knew if she continued as they were, she'd be treading on extremely thin ice. But she also knew she didn't want to give up Arizona as a patient, or as the potential of something more. Callie came to the conclusion that, while her personal feelings for Arizona most likely weren't going to just disappear, they had to take a backseat to the blonde's recovery. After Arizona reached a point where she no longer needed Callie as a therapist... Well, whatever happened, happened.

Of course, she was also making these plans with the intentions of her self control holding out, and her self control wasn't exactly the most predictable entity in the world.

She continued trudging along back to her apartment, thoughts now scattered between Arizona and a vast array of more mundane things, and was a bit surprised when she was finally on the same street as her apartment complex. She picked up the pace a bit, the sting of the freezing air beginning to make her face hurt a bit, but her speed slowed exponentially when her eyes cast upon someone sitting on one of the benches along the wall of her building. As would happen with most people (most women who were completely alone in the dead of night, anyway), her heartbeat accelerated and she arranged her hand in her pocket so that the spaces between her fingers interlocked with her house keys, something she'd picked up from her mother a long, long time ago.

As Callie grew closer and the lone figure could hear her feet crunching the fallen leaves on the ground, a head snapped up and brown eyes immediately recognized that unique shade of blue.

"Arizona," Callie breathed out, her tense posture immediately relaxing, "What are you doing here? Are you alright? Did something happen?"

She immediately took a seat next to the blonde woman, concern etched all over her face and immediately forgetting the chill in the air outside.

"I hope you don't mind," Arizona replied rather bashfully, before rambling out quickly, after Callie shook her head in response, "I tried calling, but there was no answer... And so I looked you up, never would've thought there were so many people around here with your last name, then it threw me for a loop when you were listed under 'Calliope' but I just took that one down on a whim because there weren't any other names that 'Callie' could be short for and then I came here and knocked but obviously you didn't come to the door and I figured I'd wait even though that's kind of borderline stalker and not something I normally do but I just... And I hope you don't think I'm crazy for being here, at least not any crazier than you already thought-"

Finally recovering from the shock of seeing the blonde and the panic of what might have brought her here at such an ungodly hour, Callie cut her off, "No, no, this is... You're fine. Really. But, _jesus_," the blonde's shivering and teeth chattering began to register, "You're freezing, Arizona," she stood of and pulled the smaller woman up with her, "Come up with me."

Callie shed her jacket as they walked towards the elevator and handed it to Arizona, who gratefully slipped it around her own extremely thin coat without hesitation, giving a mumble of appreciation.

"How long have you been here?," Callie asked, pushing the elevator button and seconds later ushering the blonde in as the doors opened.

A blush crept slowly up pale cheeks before she let out quietly, "Just a couple hours, I guess," and the blush magnified greatly when incredulous brown eyes cast upon her.

"_Hours?_ You're probably going to be sick as a dog," the brunette chastised gently, stepping out of the elevator as it reached her floor and digging back in her pocket for her keys.

Arizona waited quietly and fidgeted about as Callie fiddled with the door and swung it open, reaching blindly against the wall and flicked the light switch. The blonde hung back nervously, suddenly very aware of how foolish and awkward this was turning out to be. Blue eyes darted around her new surroundings quickly and nervously before finally stepping through the door, and checked multiple times to make sure it was locked (a paranoia she'd never had before Iraq), before following the brunette into what appeared to be the living room.

Callie gestured towards the couch as she dug in a closet on the opposite side of the room, "Just sit right there for a minute, okay? I'm grabbing you a blanket, you've _got_ to be like three quarters hypothermic right now, for god's sake."

Arizona obeyed and perched nervously on the edge of the couch, taking in Callie's apartment. As with the walls in Callie's office, the ones here were also a rich, vermilion color and it made her both uneasy and queasy. It looked too much like blood. It looked _way_ too much like blood. She shifted her eyes down to the coffee table in front of her, a pretty standard black bit of furniture, and let her eyes rest there until Callie was occupying the space in front of her. The brunette sat down on the spot she'd just been staring at, their knees bumping together, and wrapped a well-worn quilt tightly around her shoulders.

Callie sat for a moment, drumming her fingers mindlessly against the table as she leaned back slightly, and finally broke the silence, "Are you alright?"

The question was timid but extremely curious, and Arizona was suddenly very aware of how much she was shaking, though she wasn't sure if it was from being out in the cold so long or being in such close proximity to the brunette.

"I'm... I'm fine," she eventually let out, her eyes trying to stray away from the inquisitive ones across from her and also away from the walls surrounding her. She'd really quite like for Callie to take her into another room, _any_ other room, but she wasn't about to voice her fears of a stupid color in front of Callie right now.

Callie shook her head and leaned closer, voice gentle, "It's after one in the morning and you're sitting on my couch. I don't think you're fine."

Why was it, Arizona thought to herself as her eyes fixated on the color of the walls again, that the more you try _not_ to look at something, the more your eyes strayed traitorously back to the object?

She found herself answering rather subconsciously, still staring around at the walls, "I couldn't sleep. I mean, I usually can't, but if I lay there long enough I guess my mind gives up the fight and I'll get there. But it was too quiet, you know? It was too quiet and I didn't like it. Quiet is generally a precursor for disaster. So... So I tried calling you."

Before Callie could ask or say anything else, Arizona had continued, still talking on auto-pilot, "So I decided to go for a walk. Which I know is stupid given that it feels like Antarctica out there, but I didn't think it out beforehand. I also didn't think about how quiet the streets are this time of night. It was like it was suffocating me. Every alley I passed by, every small, ordinary noise almost sent me into cardiac arrest. I felt like I was going to disappear in all of it. And then the next thing I know, I'm locked in a telephone booth and looking you up in the phone book. And then... Then I started walking here."

She took a deep breath and finally chanced a glance at Callie, who smiled softly at her.

"Well, whatever your reasons, I'm always happy to see you."

Arizona shifted nervously and averted her eyes again, "I can go, you know, if you need to go to bed or something. It's alright. I mean, I'm alright. I think sitting outside for a couple hours sort of sucked the anxiety right out of me."

Chuckling, Callie shook her head, "You're fine, really. I'm going to be up for a bit and might as well have company, right?," Arizona nodded apprehensively, and Callie gestured towards the kitchen, "Would you like something to drink? Water or something?"

Arizona debated a moment in her head before timidly asking, "Um, do you have anything stronger than water? I could really, _really_ use a drink right now."

The other woman grinned widely, "I've got Jack Daniels and I've got wine. I peg you as a fan of the former, but please, tell me if I'm wrong."

Something resembling the ghost of a smile flashed across Arizona's face momentarily, but was gone just as quickly as it came, "You pegged right."

* * *

It was bordering on three o'clock in the morning, and both women were buzzing quite nicely, straddling the line between drunk and pleasantly intoxicated. They'd been parked on the couch for a good while; Arizona resting against one end, legs stretched out towards Callie, and vice versa. Callie had found out that while sober Arizona was withdrawn and downcast, inebriated Arizona was quite the opposite, and Callie's initial hunch was proven correct: the blonde _was_ capable of being intentionally funny. However, as strange as it was, despite the light banter that had transpired between the two, Callie had yet to see the blonde give a real smile. She'd come close, she'd come _damn_ close, and it was slightly comical how on edge Callie was waiting for it, but, in the end, all that had happened were a few twitches of the corners of her lips and that was it.

Which she felt the need to inquire about. And right now seemed as good a time as any.

Breaking the comfortable lull in conversation, Callie just made a simple request, "Smile."

A perfectly sculpted blonde eyebrow arched in question as blue eyes connected with brown, "I'm sorry?"

Empowered by the alcohol in her system, not to mention the gorgeous woman she was sharing her couch with, Callie felt no nervousness about continuing, "I've never seen you smile. Like ever. I mean you're probably the only person in the world who can drunkenly giggle without smiling," she paused for a moment, apparently giving that deep thought, "Which is actually a bit creepy, come to think of it."

Arizona shrugged, taking another drink from her glass, "I smile when I have... Reasons to smile."

Feigning hurt, Callie pouted, "And what? Spending time with me isn't a reason to smile? Am I that unbearable?"

With her left hand, which was splayed across the blonde's jean clad legs with the rest of her arm, she gave the woman's knee a small squeeze, letting her know she was joking. Well, kind of joking, anyway.

Arizona rolled her eyes a bit, nudging Callie's foot with her elbow, "A beautiful woman is always a reason to smile," she said, smirking internally at the blush that crept across Callie's already flushed face, "But now that you've pointed it out, I'm going to be all self conscious and it'll be more like a painful grimace."

Callie grinned, the alcohol again spurring her on as she made to tickle the underside of Arizona's knees, who narrowed her eyes at her, "Don't."

"Don't what?," the brunette feigned innocence, struggling to hold the blonde's legs in place.

"Calliope Torres."

Callie nearly choked as her full name left her counterpart's mouth, never really caring for her first name till it came from Arizona. She recovered quickly, though, and sat up more, bringing her right hand into the mix and grinning wickedly as Arizona shrieked.

"Smile and I'll stop."

"You realize I'm a Marine, right? I could break like.. your entire skeleton right now in two seconds."

"This sounds like a challenge," Callie shot back, knowing the blonde was most likely right but not especially caring at the moment.

Scoffing, Arizona shook her head defiantly, "Challenge? No. More like a warning."

Smirking, Callie continued on about her way, and yelped loudly when she was suddenly knocked into the floor, flat on her back. Eyes wide and dazed, she looked up to see blue eyes peeking over the couch just a few inches above hers, dancing with mirth and mischief.

And, a couple inches below those eyes, appeared a radiant, slightly crooked smile, complete with a set of heart melting dimples.

And that was the moment Callie Torres would say she fell in love.

* * *

**I sorta felt like this one was too long and I should've cut it off somewhere, but never did. Hopefully it flowed alright and wasn't too much for one chapter. Review and you'll have my undying love for about ten minutes. **


	7. Chapter 7

**So, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry for the delay guys. Been in the middle of moving into a new place and trying to work and not kill everyone within a 25 mile radius out of frustration. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Just got the internet hooked up at the house, so with any luck I'll be updating more frequently. Hopefully people are still reading!**

**On with the show!**

**AND LET ME JUST SAY. This whole thing save the first two paragraphs is a total rewrite because this stupid freakin website lost all of the rest of it because there is no god and the world is evil. So. Anyway. here's your second chapter seven. God dammit. **

* * *

Callie first woke around seven in the morning, disoriented and feeling a good bit less than superb. A throbbing headache greeted her first, followed quickly by a brief wave of nausea. Groaning, she made a pitiful attempt to sit up, but quickly abandoned that plan of action and instead flopped back down. She was very aware of the light snoring emanating from the opposite end of the couch, and she gave a small smile to herself, despite the fact that the other occupant of her couch currently had one of her feet digging into her ribs.

It had been a good night.

She rolled from her back to her side, trying to get more comfortable and the movement put her face almost directly in the line of Arizona's bare feet. Chuckling softly, she snuggled back against the couch and quickly drifted back to sleep, headache and nausea long forgotten.

When Callie woke again, this time right around noon, she was disoriented again, but feeling a lot less _blah_ than before. She was very aware of two things once she got her bearings: One, her mouth tasted like the inside of a toilet, and two, Arizona was long gone it appeared. She was fairly displeased with both of these observations.

She sat up and planted her feet firmly on the hardwood beneath her feet, and closed her eyes against the head rush that crashed in on her. Once the moment passed, she opened her eyes again and saw three things sitting on the coffee table in front of her; a bottle of water, a couple aspirin, and a short note that, upon closer inspection, had been left by Arizona.

**Calliope_, _**

**_Had to go. Thank you for last night._**

**_- Arizona_**

A smile quickly adorned the brunette's features, taking the position of the frown she'd been sporting after noticing Arizona's absence. She was perhaps a little _too_ pleased with Arizona's usage of her first name throughout their drunken discussions, and the emphasis she'd put on it in her note only caused her to grin that much wider. And she was also a little _too_ touched over the blonde's thoughtfulness regarding the water and aspirin. Callie was maybe just a bit _too_ in over her head when it came to one Ms. Arizona Robbins.

Consequences be damned; Callie Torres had a crush the size of China on the blonde woman. The word 'crush' was actually probably an extraordinary understatement as far as her feelings went, but it was all she was ready to admit to right now. She'd seen last night an entirely different side of the young Marine, a side that no amount of discussions about morals and ethics and all that other professional bullshit could diminish. The only part that was unsettling was that she was having these feelings for another woman. She'd never been one to judge sexual orientation, but she always would've classified herself as "straight" if someone were to ask. A long history of men was behind her, but none of them had stirred the feelings that Arizona was unknowingly grasping hold of. What was most unsettling, though, was the fact that she didn't care. It made no difference to her that Arizona was a woman, regardless of the nerves it sparked in her; ultimately, it didn't matter. She was falling a little too fast and a little too hard for the woman she was trying so desperately to help. And, surprisingly, she found that she was okay with this. She had no intentions of forcing the idea of a relationship upon the blonde, but she was done even trying to deny the fact that that's exactly what she wanted. Callie just wanted a chance with Arizona, but despite how much she might want to, she was not going to have that conversation with the other woman. Things would happen as they happened and she wouldn't interfere with whatever grand master plan the universe had in store for them. First and foremost, she was going to be the best damn therapist (and hopefully even _friend_) the world had ever seen to Arizona, and if it ever progressed into more, fantastic. If not... Well, she'd have to play the hand she was dealt.

Last night had opened up a lot more than just Arizona's pre-war personality to Callie, and she was beyond thankful for it, regardless of the outcome. It was a huge step forward in their progress, both professionally and personally.

Sighing contentedly to herself, she sat back against the couch and settled in once more. As it was Sunday, she had no real plans that involved getting out of pajamas or getting off the couch. Factoring in a hangover, the most energy she'd expend today would be changing the channels on the television. And, if she was being honest, replaying the events of last night over and over in her head like the pathetic individual she was.

* * *

Arizona Robbins does _not_ do feelings. Iraq had changed numerous things about her, and this was the most major of them all. She didn't do attachments. She didn't invest in others. She didn't have the mental capacity for emotional entanglements of any sort anymore. And Callie Torres was fixing to ruin that. And she was going to fight, however futile her efforts might be, to prevent that from happening. Arizona Robbins does _not_ do feelings.

Taking a break from her routine jog around the city, she sat on a bench and breathed heavily for a moment, both from the run and the emotional war raging in her head. Last night had been one of the best nights she'd had in a long, long time. The alcohol had lowered her inhibitions and insecurities, and she found herself more open (though not without that ever present caution) to Callie and to _being_ open with Callie. She was still unsure if this was good or bad. She'd smiled, really, truly _smiled_ for the first time in years. It wasn't a half assed grin or a polite twitch of her lips, nope, she'd smiled. And she'd _laughed_. She couldn't remember the last time she'd done that. And Arizona knew, despite how much it bothered her, that Callie was the reason. A great deal of it could be blamed on the alcohol, god knows she had more than her fair share, but ultimately, the carefree spirit she'd adorned last night was entirely a product of the brunette's presence. Again, she didn't know if this was good or bad.

She put her elbows on her knees and pressed her forehead into the palms of her hands, sighing deeply. This was too complicated. Callie knew too much about her, for starters. She didn't know everything, she probably never would know everything, but she knew more than anyone else. But she was too easy to talk to, _that_ was the problem. Callie knew the exact right questions to ask and when to back off, when to allow Arizona to gather her thoughts and vocalize them. This was not okay as far as the blonde was concerned. Sure, she thought talking could help most issues, it was therapeutic in its own way, but some stuff didn't need to be talked about. She lived through it all once, she still lived _with_ it on a daily basis, and no amount of talking about it would make it any better. It would cause her more problems than solutions. Nobody would benefit if she started talking about the worst parts of her duration in Iraq. In time, she was sure, memories would fade and she'd at least go back to at least a halfway normal life. It would just take time, lots of time. That's all she needed. Time. And whatever it was that was trying to build between her and the other woman was going to have to stop. Callie was her therapist, Arizona was her patient. That was as far as their relationship would ever transpire. It was dangerous, both for her own well-being and the brunette's as well.

Her mind made up, she stood from the bench and set off again, determination oozing from her pores. Whatever she was feeling for Callie, whatever she thought she _could_ feel for Callie, was going to be shut down immediately. She wouldn't do this. Aside from the fact that Callie was her doctor, and aside from the fact that it was Callie's _job_ to get close to Arizona, this was wrong on many other levels. Having a crush or whatever the hell it was she was feeling for the brunette needed to be squashed and forgotten about, and she'd see to it that it was done. Callie didn't deserve to be involved with someone as emotionally stunted as she was. Even if she did have the smallest chance in hell of developing anything with Callie, it was morally wrong of her to do so by her own beliefs. She would not be a burden on anyone else.

As she launched one foot in front of the other, making her way back to her own apartment, her mind was set. Calliope Torres and Arizona Robbins, whatever they could have been if they'd met before Iraq, whatever they could have had before life became so complicated, would never be. It could only end badly, and Arizona didn't need anymore bad endings.

* * *

It had been two weeks since the two women had camped out in Callie's living room together. Two weeks of Arizona rapidly closing back up and two weeks of pure frustration for Callie, and she was quickly becoming fed up. After that night, when Arizona's first appointment since they'd drank together rolled around, somehow they had wound up back in Callie's office, much to the surprise of the brunette. She'd been sitting at her desk, ready to tidy things up for the weekend when an aggravated Cristina knocked on the door and told her that the blonde was sitting in the waiting room. She'd gotten Cristina to send her on in, and the blonde walked in, sat on the couch, and the session had commenced as though they'd been doing this all along. Only Arizona's answers were shorter than they were when they'd been in the car together, and she made no indication that she cared to discuss or remember the night she'd slept over at the brunette's. The session was strictly professional through and through, and Callie had been stupefied at the conclusion.

It continued like this every single day that followed. Arizona showed up, answered Callie's questions with simple answers, and abruptly left after being told the date and time of her next appointment. The therapist's patience was rapidly running dry, and she became more and more confused as to what had happened to cause the blonde to react like this. She'd thought they'd been okay, _much_ better than okay actually, and she'd taken the small note Arizona had left her that morning after to mean that everything would _continue_ to be okay.

And here they sat once again, stuck within another tension filled session and Callie was rapidly approaching her limit with all of this. They'd recently fallen into an uncomfortable silence, one that the brunette was unsure how to fill, but ultimately she knew she'd have to be the one to suck it up and say something, but anymore, she just didn't know what to say. Professionally speaking, the blonde across from her was actually doing quite well as far as their appointments were concerned. Despite her refusal to do anything more than answer direct questions, and the fact that she only gave exactly as many details as necessary, her progress was impressive. She was still a master at dodging questions revolving around those eight weeks she'd been taken behind enemy lines, but that was to be expected. All things considered, Arizona was doing just fine. And this bothered Callie a whole hell of a lot more than she would ever admit. It's not that she didn't want the young Marine to work towards healing, but she hated that the personal aspect they'd had not too long ago was completely and totally replaced by extreme professionalism. She'd suddenly lost her brief insights to how the blonde's mind worked, those little tidbits of information here and there had obviously been taken for granted, and now Callie wanted them back. She wasn't asking Arizona to spill her deepest darkest nightmares at the drop of a hat, but their sessions before these awkward ones had been so much more _something_. She didn't know the word for it. All she knew was that after the blonde had left her apartment that morning, they'd taken fifty steps back from where they'd been. And Callie _hated_ it.

A small sigh slipped past her lips and she glanced at the clock ticking away on the wall. They only had five minutes left, and while that wasn't much time to delve into anything deep (as if that was possible anymore), she still knew it would be a _long_ five minutes if they continued sitting here in silence. She finally decided to speak up.

"So, all in all, you'd say you're doing alright?"

An indifferent shrug was the initial response, before, "Yeah, I guess."

"What makes it 'I guess' and keeps it from being 'I know'?," Callie questioned, sensing an opportunity to at least make some of their time left scoot by.

Blue eyes looked up, but continued to evade the brown ones scrutinizing her from across the desk between them.

"Isn't that your job?," was the retort, an underlying edge in Arizona's voice that she hadn't intended on being there.

Callie, somewhat shocked by the tone this was said in, only offered a bewildered, "Excuse me?"

The blonde's fingers began twisting even more painfully in her lap, and her leg began bouncing once again, her nervous energy suddenly needing to break free.

"That's what I'm paying you to do, right? I come in, tell you my problems, and you give me the solutions. So, you tell me. Why am I still _guessing_ I'm okay and not _knowing_ I'm okay? Why am I still coming to this office and not feeling any fucking different?"

Brown eyes widened and Callie sat forward in her chair, completely oblivious as to where this was all coming from.

"Arizona, I don't—"

"No, seriously, what the hell is the point of this? I don't feel any different. Hell, I don't even _want_ to feel any different. You know what I want you to change, Calliope? I want you to change how everyone _else_ feels. Do you know what it's like being treated like some… like some fucking leper by everyone in your family? Do you? Do you know what it's like having everyone walk on eggshells and skirt around you, mindful of every god damn word that comes out of their mouth out of fear of triggering the crazy Marine in the corner? I'm a fucking grown woman and I'm being treated like some mentally defective _child_, and—"

"Arizona, nobody thinks you're crazy."

A disbelieving laugh fell from the blonde's lips and her eyes finally locked on brown, the hardness in them causing Callie's breath to catch in her throat.

"Don't give me that bullshit. They do. They _all_ do. Anyone I encounter who knows where I've been looks at me different. They look at me like they're expecting me to snap at any fucking second. And you know what? Maybe I need to. Maybe they _need_ to see just what the hell crazy looks like. Then they'll understand that I'm _not_."

"Who are 'they'?," Callie probed gently, wishing more than anything she knew a way to comfort the woman across from her.

Arizona gestured wildly with her hands, "_Everyone!_ My mom is afraid of even looking at me the wrong way, which in turn means she doesn't look at me at _all_ and then acts like _I'm_ the one with the problem. My brother? Well, obviously you know just what he thinks being as he's the one who set this whole fucking thing up to begin with. They all just want me to 'get better' whatever the hell that even _means_. I don't need to get better. And you know what? Even if I did, even if this was something I had the smallest fucking chance of recovering from, I wouldn't. You know why? Because that part of me, the part that cares about any goddamn thing is still in that fucking desert. I quit caring what happens to me a long time ago, Calliope. Before I ever set foot in this god forsaken office."

"If that were true, if you really didn't care about yourself, you wouldn't be sitting here right now, Arizona. You wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be sitting here, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. You want help, otherwise you wouldn't be in here. And that's all I want, okay? I just want to help you," Callie urged quietly, a stark contrast to the raised voice of the blonde's.

"Don't," Arizona pointed an accusing finger at the brunette, "Don't sit there and act like this matters to you. You and I both know that this," she gestured between them, "is nothing more than your _job_. So don't you dare sit there and pretend like you give the smallest _fuck_ about me. This is your paycheck. So don't give me that shit that you give to everyone else who walks in this office, alright? Just—"

Callie interrupted, her voice sharp and her gaze unwavering from the blonde's, ""Arizona, it's not my _job_ to care. It's my job to help you, to provide you with the ability to get your life back, but I don't _have_ to care. I care about you because you make it impossible not to. You say what you want about everyone else, but don't you dare tell me I'm pretending to care about you."

"Whatever you're doing, it's not going to work. I don't need you to care, alright? It's not going to offer me some new lease on life if you say that anything regarding myself fucking matters to you, Calliope," the blonde shot back, blue eyes flashing dangerously, "I don't need anyone."

The brunette shook her head sadly, desperately wanting to know where this had all come from, but it wasn't the right time to ask, however much she might want to.

"You don't have to admit to needing anyone to admit that you need help, Arizona. And that's all I'm trying to do. Not because anyone thinks you're crazy, not because we're all involved in some outlandish conspiracy to work against you, but because you've gone through hell, okay?," the blonde sat across from her, jaw clenching but she didn't respond, and Callie spoke again, "You being here in my office has nothing to do with anyone else's opinion of you. Nobody forced you into this. You _know_ you need someone to help you, and I want to be that person, Arizona."

Still, she didn't get a response and Callie gestured towards the clock, "Our time is up today. But see Cristina for your next date and time to be back, alright?"

Wordlessly, the young Marine stood from the couch and made for the door, and Callie's eyes followed her the entire time, not looking back down until a few moments after the door had clicked shut behind the blonde. Only then did she rest her elbows on the desk and press her face into her palms.

While she'd wanted something more than what she'd been getting from Arizona the past few weeks, this wasn't what she had in mind.

* * *

Later that night, while sitting cross legged in front of the coffee table with a glass of wine next to her, Callie tried desperately to work her way through her other patients files, but she found her mind continuously wandering back to her altercation with Arizona. It was clearly something that had been bubbling around in the blonde's head for quite awhile, but something had caused it to run over until she felt no other choice but to lash out. And Callie found herself running through so many possibilities as to what could have caused that. She was worried for the other woman, more so than she should be as her doctor, but she couldn't help it. She meant what she'd told the blonde, Arizona made it absolutely impossible to not care about her.

She leaned backwards and rested her back against the front of the couch, her head lolling back and she closed her eyes, trying to escape the oncoming headache she felt approaching at breakneck speed. She wasn't sure how long she sat like that, but eventually, she drifted off, the exhaustion of that day finally catching up to her.

When she woke back up, she was very aware of the stiffness in her back, and a glance at the clock told her it was three in the morning; she'd been out for several hours. She groaned, pushing her back harder against the front of the couch and winced slightly as her neck popped. She was definitely going to regret this.

A hard knock sounded at her door, and she assumed this was what had woken her to begin with. Apprehensive as to who the hell could be stopping by this late at night, she took a quick glance around as to something, _anything_ she could use as a weapon if the situation presented itself. Her eyes caught nothing except the empty wine bottle laying next to her scattered files and folders, and she quickly picked it up and made for the door.

Cursing the fact that she _still_ didn't have a peephole, something she'd been meaning to invest in since she'd moved in, she cautiously unlocked the bolt, then the door handle, but left the chain in place. She cracked the door and peaked out, and dropped the wine bottle at the sight of her visitor.

Standing outside her door was Arizona, eyes red and puffy from crying, with tears still working their way down her cheeks. Callie immediately slid the chain across and opened the door fully, and the smaller woman's body immediately pressed itself against hers, and she instinctively held Arizona's waist, still completely baffled as to what she was doing here but wanting to provide comfort first and foremost.

After a moment, Callie pulled back gently, and brought her hands to cup the blonde's cheeks, her thumbs pushing away fresh tears as they continued sliding down.

"Arizona," Callie said softly, "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Arizona's only response was an unsteady breath and a shake of her head, but Callie was rather unclear as to which question she was signaling 'no' to.

She opened her mouth to make further inquiries, but Arizona interrupted her.

"I—I just…" she trailed off, sniffling again and trying to put her thoughts together.

Callie hooked a finger under the blonde's chin and lifted her head so that their eyes could meet, "What's wrong, Arizona?"

Without answering right away, Arizona pushed herself back into Callie's arms as a fresh sob made its way out of her throat, and she buried her face into the brunette's neck.

Once she had herself somewhat under control again, she pulled back and pushed uselessly against the tears that continued falling from blue eyes, "I just—I need you to care about me right now," she finally let out, voice softer than a whisper, and her eyes looking everywhere but at the sincere brown ones before her.

Heart clenching painfully for the broken woman in front of her, Callie pulled the smaller frame back against hers and protectively wrapped her arms back around the blonde, "Always," she whispered into the blonde's ear, and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, "Always."

* * *

**please review and let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry it took me so long to get back to this, just have a lot going on right now.  
**

**thank you so much for the reviews and feedback, you guys are the best! I'm not really sure about this chapter, I don't know why, so please leave your response to it and let me know if you think everything is still flowing okay. Your input really IS necessary and wanted!  
**

* * *

Callie Torres held a great appreciation for the beautiful things in life, both big and small. Sunsets, sunrises, mountains, children, animals, etc, etc; she made it a habit to admire all of these things that she came across. There was beauty in everything around her, she often thought, and she tried to see through all the ugly in the world and instead focus on the truly breathtaking splendor of it all. But, at an insanely fast rate, she was beginning to believe that there might not exist anything in this world that was more thoroughly magnificent than Arizona Robbins.

The aforementioned woman was still asleep on Callie's couch, her chest rising and falling slowly with every inhale and exhale, her blonde hair in complete disarray upon the pillow, and, if you listened carefully, a light snore was emanating from her small frame. It was nearing noon, and, seeing as how Arizona had only just gotten to sleep a few hours ago, Callie couldn't find it in her heart at all to wake her. She leaned against the door frame that led from the living room to the hallway, and though she'd been watching the other woman for quite some time, she still couldn't quite contain the smile that tugged at her lips as she observed the smaller woman in such a peaceful state. Last night had been a long night, it had only ended when the blonde simply couldn't hold her eyes open any longer, and Callie felt as if they'd taken a _huge_ step forward in regards to a lot of things throughout the night.

_It took several moments locked within the safety of Callie's arms before Arizona had calmed down enough for the brunette to lead her carefully to the couch, her right arm still wrapped tightly around the waist of the blonde. Only when they sat down did Callie remove her arm, and Arizona quickly replaced the physical connection by grasping the brunette's hand tightly, pressing herself rather hard into Callie's side until the therapist replaced her arm over the blonde's shoulders, murmuring quiet words into her ear. _

_They sat in relative silence for a moment, except for Callie's stream of soft, comforting words. A blonde head eventually dropped to a strong shoulder and Callie tightened her arm, reluctant at even the prospect of letting the smaller woman go. She rubbed her hand gently up and down Arizona's bicep in what she hoped to be a comforting manner, and waited patiently for the blonde to break the silence, which happened sooner than she would've thought.  
_

_"I'm messing everything up," was what she began with, her voice hoarse and scratchy from crying.  
_

_"You're not messing anything up," came Callie's immediate response, no hesitation because she knew without doubt that whatever the blonde was blaming herself for was not her fault.  
_

_"I am, though," she took a shaky sigh and continued, "I'm lashing out at my mom and Timothy, and the thing is, I'm not sorry for it. I know it's not their fault that I'm feeling like this, I know they've done nothing wrong, but it still feels like they are. Like nothing they do or say is helpful. It's always the opposite."  
_

_"What do you mean by 'feeling like this'?," Callie inquired softly, her heart aching for the broken tone in the other woman's voice.  
_

_"Angry," came the fast reply, "Infuriated, all the time, about **everything**. Things I can't control, things they don't even know about. And then they do something, or say something, and that's it. I'm attacking them and I don't even feel bad about it. Because it feels **good**, Calliope," she took another shaky breath and pulled Callie's arm tighter against her, "It feels **so** good to be able to snap about things that are happening right now instead of things that have long since been over. I can't get mad at them for everything I went through over there, but I can get mad at them for what they're doing now that has even the smallest relation to something that happened over there. Like mom? I completely flipped out on her for burning dinner one night because I could remember this woman I served with, a woman who had kids and a family back here, she told me about this time her husband nearly burnt the house down one night because he was trying to cook dinner for her. And then mom burnt our dinner and I just... I thought about that woman. And I thought about... I thought about how I watched her **die**, and I couldn't take it. It built up in me so fast and so strong and the next thing I know I'm practically dismantling my mom's kitchen."  
_

_Callie subconsciously linked the hand she had draped over Arizona's shoulders with the blonde's free one and squeezed reassuringly.  
_

_"You know that all of that, every last bit of it, is normal, right? That's how you're going to feel. And I can't promise you that it'll go away any time soon, but I **can** promise you that I'll be right here every single step of the way," the other woman shook her head silently and interrupted.  
_

_"I'm going to do the same thing to you, Calliope. Hell, I already did today. I snapped on you for no apparent reason and I couldn't **help** it. I knew what I was saying, I knew it was wrong, but I just... I still had to say it. I couldn't control it."_

_Callie laughed softly and pulled the smaller frame tighter against her own, "Do you think I care, Arizona? I'll be your punching bag, if that's what you need. I'll be the bad guy. But despite whatever you might think, outbursts like that are **good**, alright? Because you can't keep all of those emotions bottled up like you are. That's what will be your downfall, not lashing out."  
_

_The blonde sniffled again, unraveling her hand from the therapist's and wiped away at the tears still sliding down her cheeks, "Can we just... can we not do this tonight? I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm **so** tired, Calliope," this was pretty obvious, the brunette thought, given the exhausted tone of Arizona's voice, "Do you think... I mean, I know I probably shouldn't and I don't want to intrude, but could I stay here? Because I can't sleep anywhere else. And **all **I want right now is just a few hours to sleep.."  
_

_Finally pulling away from the blonde and readjusting herself so that she could face Arizona, Callie smiled gently and nodded, "You're welcome here anytime, Arizona. You don't have to have a reason."  
_

_Arizona nodded, but didn't say anything, her eyes still connecting with anything but the brown ones before her, and Callie pushed her hands against her knees and stood up, "I'll get you a few blankets and make you up a bed on the couch; I'd be more than happy to offer you my bed but my room is a bit of a disaster right now and I'm not sure you'd be comfortable. I'll just be a second, okay?"  
_

_Another nod of recognition and Callie disappeared around the corner, digging around quickly in the hallway closet for blankets and a few pillows before returning. Arizona sat in the exact same position she'd been left in, her eyes focused on her lap and her fingers twisting around each other nervously. Callie thought she looked a lot like a lost child, confused and lonely. And, once again, Callie felt that familiar ache in her heart when she thought of the blonde.  
_

_She tossed the pillows on one end of the couch and told Arizona she'd leave the blankets for her to sort out to her preference. The blonde nodded again, standing silently and began slowly unfolding one of the blankets, before stopping and turning to face the brunette, blue eyes connecting with dark ones for only the second time that night, "Thank you, Calliope. For-"  
_

_Callie held her hand up, silencing the other woman and smiling softly, "There's no reason to thank me, Arizona," the blonde blushed slightly and averted her eyes, but didn't say anything, "I'll just be right down the hall if you need me for **anything**, okay?"  
_

_Once again a silent nod was her answer and she looked at the blonde for just a few more seconds before turning and walking down the hall. She'd be extremely shocked if she got any sleep herself tonight.  
_

_After Callie left the room, Arizona laid down on the couch and pulled the cover she'd been unfolding up to her chin. She didn't know what she was doing here. She didn't know if she was right or wrong in showing up at the brunette's doorstep, but she also knew that she couldn't think of anywhere else she could have gone. She was tired of being alone her apartment; the silence made her uncomfortable, the loneliness made her depressed, and there was too much time to sit around and think. She was **extremely** sick of thinking. She wasn't comfortable in her own head anymore; there were too many horrible things to remember and all of these things she was trying so hard to forget. And she no longer knew of where else she could go, who else she could talk to. Everyone she'd once been close to she'd lost contact with gradually during her deployment, and as for the ones she had managed to keep in touch with, she'd pushed them all away. She'd become the suffer-in-silence type of person, as well as withdrawn and all around reclusive. It wasn't fair to expect anyone to hang around when she was stuck inside her own head so much. She knew that if push came to shove, she could try to talk to her mother or Timothy, but she just **couldn't**. She didn't want them to look at her differently. She didn't want the pity and everything that would come along with them knowing everything she had done, seen, and experienced. She wanted to just be **better**. She wanted to be able to stop worrying and stop thinking and just move on. But she was realizing it wasn't that simple, this wasn't something she could overcome on her own, and she absolutely hated that. The one person she felt at least somewhat comfortable talking to was Calliope, but she was still worried about it. She cared what the other woman thought of her, she worried that if she completely dumped everything off on the brunette, that Calliope would look at her different, that she'd judge her for what she'd done. And she didn't know if she could take that. She didn't know if she could risk the therapist being disgusted with her. And Arizona was disgusted with herself, how on earth would Calliope **not** be? _

_Her mind continued this battle for awhile before exhaustion finally overtook her. And when she finally fell asleep, there were no nightmares, there was nothing to have her waking in a panic in the middle of the night. And she was completely unaware of the multiple trips Callie made throughout the night to check on her. For only the second night since she'd came back from Iraq, Arizona succumbed to an entirely peaceful night of sleep.  
_

Callie smiled softly to herself as she continued watching Arizona sleep. She looked so innocent and relaxed, which was sadly not something the blonde ever really portrayed. In the back of her mind, Callie was fully aware of the thin ice she was treading on when it came to Arizona. She was falling for this seemingly broken woman, and she had no idea how to stop it or how to even ignore it. It was so easy to lose herself in the young Marine, to have this all encompassing desire to protect her and help her and be there for her in so many more ways than the professional one she'd been sought out for. She felt like she could be exactly what Arizona needed, that she could be the one to make her smile and make her laugh and give her her old life back. And ultimately, her job sort of entailed that she do just that. But she didn't want it to be because of her job, she didn't want Arizona to get better and move on and just remember Callie as the therapist who assisted along the way. She was finding that she wanted to be there not only for the journey, but also long after the destination was reached. It was crazy, in more ways than one, that she could feel such a thing for someone she hadn't known for that long, never mind that this particular person was a patient.

She heaved a sigh to herself and pushed off from the frame she'd been leaning on and headed towards the kitchen, intending to throw on a pot of coffee for both of their benefit. A glance at the clock told her it was a few minutes past twelve, and as much as she wanted to stay and watch over the blonde the rest of the day, and, more importantly, be there when she woke up, she'd already had Cristina cancel on a few appointments and she didn't want to have to back out of any more of them. She'd assumed Arizona would have woken long before now, and she could have at least said a verbal goodbye instead of just disappearing on the other woman, but she was running out of options and waking the blonde wasn't something she had any intention of doing. Arizona needed to catch up on her rest, that was blatantly obvious, and Callie wasn't going to interrupt that.

She made her way throughout the kitchen as quietly as possible, regularly peeking around the corner to be sure she wasn't disrupting Arizona. She took her time about it, still hoping the blonde would wake up before she had to leave, but her hopes were in vain and eventually she had to call it quits and head to work before she had to cancel on yet another patient. She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from one of the drawers and jotted out a quick note to Arizona, telling her where she'd gone and assuring the Marine that she was welcome to stay as long as she'd like; there was absolutely no rush for her to leave.

Making her way back in the living room, she sat the note down on the coffee table in front of Arizona and sat gingerly on the edge of one of the cushions, being extra careful not to jostle the blonde too much. At some point throughout her sleep, Arizona had pushed her blankets down her body and Callie pulled them back up, tucking them delicately around the blonde's petite form. Unable to resist the urge, she leaned forward and placed a gentle, lingering kiss to Arizona's hairline, stifling a chuckle as the blonde's nose scrunched cutely and she turned back over to face the cushions.

Callie was in just a little too deep.

* * *

She yawned as she finally made her way into the office, pointedly ignoring the death glare Cristina fixed her with immediately. She walked through the small reception area and back into her space, and had barely sat down in her chair when the irate secretary was barging through the door.

"Okay, not that it hasn't been a _supremely_ good time cancelling your appointments all morning and consequentially having innumerable people pissed off at me for doingwhat _you_ told me to do, but do I at least get an explanation?," she paused briefly before adding on, "And you look like shit by the way. In case you were wondering."

Callie rolled her eyes, "I wasn't wondering, but thank you anyway."

Cristina looked at her expectantly, apparently still waiting on the explanation she felt she was due for, and huffed indignantly when none came.

"Seriously? That's all you're going to say? I've been dealing with these nutcases all freakin' morning, cancelling last minute on all these freakin' appointments, and you're not even going to tell me what the _freakin'_ deal is?"

Callie took a small moment to be somewhat proud of the other woman's ability to censor herself. It wasn't exactly a trait Cristina Yang was famous for.

"I had a really, really long night, Cristina. An emergency arose with a patient and it sort of carried way over into this morning, and I was just trying to take care of it," she knew she was lying, at least by omission. But she really, _really_ wasn't in the mood to deal with the conversation she would have to have with Cristina if she told her exactly who the patient was and exactly what was going on. It wasn't that she was really worried about the other woman's input or opinion, but it _had_ been a long night and she really _was_ tired; she didn't want to go through every last detail all over again, and she knew that's exactly what would happen if she told Cristina that Arizona was currently unconscious on her couch... Again.

Brown eyes scrutinized her briefly.

"You're hiding something. And that's cool and all, but just know that I _will_ find out."

"Save that speech and threat for your future children, Cristina. Now, _please, _go away."

Another angry huff followed by a slamming door was the response and Callie yawned wide again.

It was going to be a _really_ long day.

* * *

Arizona awoke slowly and extremely leisurely. She stretched out fully, sighing pleasurably as her back cracked, and pushed herself further into the pillows she'd somehow buried her head under. She was completely at peace for a few moments until, as per usual, reality crashed in and she remembered where she was and why she was there. She sighed again, but this time out of annoyance that she couldn't just enjoy waking up fully rested for once, that she always had that split second of euphoria before she remembered everything. Life was a bitch like that.

She tugged the blanket she'd been using tighter around her and snuggled closer into the couch cushion she was facing. She was going to enjoy the hell out of this moment physically, regardless of whether or not she could mentally. Everything around her smelt of Calliope, despite how creepy that sounded. It was a comforting smell, somehow vaguely familiar, but she couldn't quite place it.

Calliope.

The one person in this world that had a huge capability of getting Arizona in trouble with herself. The brunette raised so many conflicting emotions within her, and she just didn't know how to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, she just wanted to enjoy it; she wanted to feel that comfort in getting close to someone and trusting them, letting them just _be_ there. On the other hand, she was all too aware of how someone could be there one second and disappear, in whatever type of way, the next. She didn't want that again. And she also just didn't know if she could trust Calliope like that. Oh, she could, it would be only too easy. But could she _let _herself? Would she ever be able to differentiate between what _they_ had done and what _Calliope_ would do? Was she ever going to be able to tell the difference between good and bad again? Or was she meant to live the rest of her life in a perpetual grey area, where everything was both good and bad and you couldn't have one without the other? Was everything going to be permanently tainted now- was she ever going to be able to take the risk without painting out all the worst-case-scenarios and assume all those who appeared to be good were really just better at hiding their dark side?

She didn't want to think that Calliope even had a dark side, but there were a lot of things she didn't want to believe yet couldn't help but firmly believe them now. She didn't want to think that Calliope would ever hurt her, physically or emotionally, but she had no way of knowing. And she was so, _so_ far past having the ability of jumping into things that were unknown. She just couldn't do it. She didn't want to do it. But she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if she could.

There was something there between her and the brunette. Something that she didn't really understand. She found comfort around the other woman for reasons she didn't know. Was it because of Calliope's profession? Was she subconsciously drawn to the fact that the brunette was supposed to be instilled with a 'no judgements, no condemnations' ideology? Or was it something else?

God, she was getting a headache.

She rolled over and saw a piece of paper addressed to her sitting on the coffee table, and she reached out for it.

**Arizona-**

**Didn't have the heart to wake you, but duty called for me and I had to go to work.  
**

**Make yourself at home; if you're hungry there's food in the kitchen (obviously) and whatever else you might want (shower, clothes, etc) feel free to snoop around till you find everything you need. Stay as long as you want or need.  
**

**-Calliope.  
**

****She felt kind of stupid after reading it with the dumb grin pulling at the corners of her mouth, but she couldn't help it. There was something about this woman, and she just didn't know what it was, but it was kind of wonderful.

She just didn't know if she was prepared for something wonderful right now.

* * *

_**Ok, I have to ask- would there be any objections to continuing this story in a first person point of view, bouncing between Callie and Arizona? It gets SO freakin' hard trying to write this with the characters being two females... Like I hate having to say 'the blonde' or 'the brunette' or 'the other woman' etc, etc repeatedly so that it doesn't get confusing with a bunch of 'shes' and 'hers'. But if you guys prefer it this way and don't want me to change it up this many chapters in, that's totally okay, I'd just like to know if, for my benefit, I could start using first person. Leave your opinion in a review, por favor!**  
_


	9. Chapter 9

**This isn't an update (yeah, I know, I suck), just a note to let you guys know that this story isn't over, done, finished, abandoned, forgotten, up for adoption, or whatever else. My laptop is officially finished, and after stupidly loaning a "friend" a couple grand to get her back on her feet (and stupidly believing the whole "I'll pay you back in a couple days" spiel), I don't have the capability to go get a replacement right now or really anytime soon. I plan on updating as soon as possible, but it's a matter of finding the time between work, sleep, and banging my head against a wall, along with typing it out on a phone, then emailing it to myself, then uploading from my roommates computer. (Yeah, you'd think I could just type it up on his computer, but he's a gay guy, and I'm somewhat terrified of what will pop-up/what I'll find if I spend an excess amount of time on it...) I'm sorry I couldn't get this message out sooner, but I hope you guys stick with me! ****_Hopefully _****I'll be able to get another chapter out this week, but I won't make guarantees cuz then I might get lynched or something when I don't deliver. Again, I'm sorry!**


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